Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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