You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
