How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
