Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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