You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
