If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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