I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
