he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
