I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
