She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
