your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
