Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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