Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
