you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You ruined the universe
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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