I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize