You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
FUCK WHALES
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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