are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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