Yo dont text me then not text me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
