grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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