i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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