YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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