The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
