what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sorry about my life...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
