If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
