I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
