Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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