i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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