it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
