Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
