yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
