$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
