Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
