Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
