Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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