there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
