she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
