some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
