All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If I die, sorry about rent.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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