Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
