I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
