READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
