I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
