dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
