sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
