I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
