kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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