You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
