my being single is dangerous.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
