your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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