I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
