Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
