i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
