He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
