I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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