We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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