Where did you get a picture of my penis
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
