What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
