Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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