She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
