i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
