If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
